Drama. It’s a persistent bitch. Clever, too. It can reach in under the guise of well-intentioned involvement, grab hold of you and suck you into the netherworld of the Ego.
Your best bet: drop the drama at the door. Don’t go looking for it, don’t go inviting it in. Drama will do one thing and one thing only: stop you from becoming all you are meant to be.
I know this because I used to be a drama junkie.
Several years ago, I was helping my ex-husband care for his son, of whom he had primary custody. I figured that by agreeing to be his primary caregiver (while my husband was working), I was doing the right thing. WRONG. All that did was lead to drama. Any mother — including my stepson’s mother — is going to be a Mama Bear. In no way was I trying to take her place, but I can understand now how it may have seemed that way to her. Back then, though, every time I’d catch wind of her complaining that I wasn’t his mother, SHE was, all I did was become angry that she was so ungrateful. I mean, come on. Here I was, with three children of my own to raise, caring for another child as my own as well. He didn’t call me “Mommy,” nor would I have ever suggested that. And so went the cycle of getting dragged into the drama like any drama junkie worth her salt would.
1. Don’t live in denial.
I’ll be honest — sometimes I really was beguiled by the rouse of well-meaning involvement — like caring for my stepson. My heart was in the right place, after all. It CAN’T be drama. Other times, I damn well knew it was drama and I let it suck me in anyway. I’m not proud of it… but I’ve learned the lesson – many times over.
2. Don’t repeat the same mistakes.
It is the absolute truth that life is about lessons, and the same lessons get repeated until you learn that shit. The hard part can be recognizing the point of the lesson. I’ve had many AHA! moments in my life, when I thought I’d learned something new… only to have the same issue rear it’s fugly little head AGAIN. Pay close attention to your focus, especially when you’ve had those AHA moments. It takes time to create and follow new patterns of behavior.
3. Focus on yourself.
It took me until this past year — after 30-something years of life — to finally get what it takes to spot drama from miles away. You have to FOCUS ON YOURSELF and STOP JUDGING OTHERS.
Focusing on yourself is harder than it seems. Judging others is something we all do on a daily basis. Yes, it is. Think about it.
Those judgments, while about others, have a direct impact on your personal focus. If you are too busy judging others’ situations, you aren’t focusing where the focus needs to be: on you and what YOU need to do.
4. Stop judging others.
I’m the first to admit – it’s damn hard to stop judging. We have to make judgment calls all the time, especially where our kids are concerned. There are certain television shows and video games I don’t allow my kids to see and play. There ARE certain other kids I don’t want my kids to be around. Here’s how I think of it now: if it has to do with how I’m raising my kids and the values I’m trying to instill, it’s a judgment call based on those values — NOT the people or things that represent something other than the values. If it doesn’t have to do with how I’m raising my kids, I only need to focus on myself and my path, and do what I see fit in that regard.
Focusing on myself and doing my best to keep judgments at bay has helped me create a drama-free zone. An added benefit is the more I keep my focus inward and am able to develop more of who I truly want to be, the less I care what others think. Talk about a BONUS! That in turn allows me to put even MORE energy into myself! THIS the cycle I want to be in… this is how I want to live each day and how I want my kids to experience life.
Love and light,
When have you recognized that you were playing into or adding to drama and then dropped it? Share in a comment below how that shifted your life for the better.
Please share this with friends. Sometimes we don’t even recognize we’re doing something until someone we care about brings it to our attention.