Anger is really just subdued fear — it is rooted in fear. Anger leads to excuses. Sneaky bastards, they are. You’ll either find a way or find an excuse is absolutely right.
There are times that, despite my path to forge ahead and try things I never would have had the courage to try, to become the person I’ve always been too afraid to be, I become angry. Then frustrated. Then a fuck-it-all attitude tries to set in. I am quick to recognize the fuck-it-all phase and nip that shit in the bud. I truly DO give a fuck (lots of fucks, actually), so that state doesn’t resonate with me at all. The frustration, though, and the anger… they are more difficult to navigate.
“Know yourself and you will win all battles” ― Sun Tzu
1. Follow your own damn guidance.
I promised myself that whenever I felt frustrated or angry, I would ask myself: what are you afraid of? I have not been doing that lately. The build-up of frustration and anger (read: fear that I will not become who I intend to become, fear that I will not accomplish what I have set out to accomplish) caused me to disengage in the situation that was bringing about those feelings. Subsequently, I was never actually IN any one moment… at least not for long.
I became addicted to multi-tasking. I became addicted to chaotic production (which of course gives no true production to anything). I had gotten into the habit of trying to get so many things done at once because of THE FEAR that I’d never get any of it done at all — even if I kept a singular focus, even if I stayed in the moment.
Addiction to something — anything — happens when you use that thing to substitute for the lack of joy in things… when you use something — anything — so much that it becomes a habit. It is far easier to give in to the habit, the addiction, than to confront what’s really going on.
2. Stop making excuses.
I even started to blame my situation. Albeit a better place than one of blaming others for where/what I am, it’s still highly ineffective as a change agent. I kept thinking, well I have three children, for crying out loud! I can’t afford any more than six hours of preschool for the littlest one, and the other two are home when not in school, too. They all need my attention, need help with something, need guidance … and DAMN IT! I am NOT a maid, and no matter how much I try to teach them about chores and helping out and keep the routine of it going, they just DON’T DO IT!
See all of that right there ^^^? Excuses. Every damn one.
Instead of kicking fear’s ass to the curb, I’d invited it in. I was dancing with it, even. I allowed it to bring about frenzied action.
3. Keep on keepin’ on.
I believe in my path. I believe in the power of intention. I believe in my ability to bring about my vision.
I also truly believe that all we ever have is this one moment that we are in … and if we lose sight of that, joy will be forever out of our reach.