How to Use Your Intuition to Stay Free From Toxic People

break free toxic relationships

“There is no force equal to a woman determined to rise.”  W.E.B. Dubois

In psychology, self consistency theory tells us that we act consistently with our self-concept, our self-image. What we believe we are completely affects how we behave, and in turn, how our life plays out.  When you’ve resisted following your intuition for a long time, your sense of true self is shattered.

If you don’t have a strong sense of self and you don’t value yourself and own your worth, it’s very easy for sociopaths and toxic people to chip away at you.  They’ll break down your weakened sense of self-worth, and manipulate you for their own benefit.

They’ll keep putting you down, and eventually, you will act consistently with that self-concept they’ve guided you to believe.

They’ll say things like: “oh man, you’re crazy” and “no one else sees things that way” and “calm down.”  

And you might adamantly defend yourself because in reality, you are NOT crazy, it doesn’t matter who else sees things that way, and for the love, you don’t need to calm down.

But if they say it enough, and especially in those tricky little ways where it’s in passing, you might eventually start to wonder if you are in fact crazy.  And then, you might even do things that are out of character for you, but that you would even say are a little bit crazy.

Don’t allow someone to do that to you.

It doesn’t matter how anyone else sees you. What matters is how you see you.

Your empowered vision of yourself needs to be so damn strong that no one — not even someone who is skilled at manipulation — can shake you.

It’s essential that you create a self-image that is powerful.  Here’s how to do it:

1  Vision Board

This is why vision boards work so well.  You are creating the images of the you that you WANT to be.  You are creating your self-image.  

And then you continuously look at those photographs and quotes and dreams that reinforce that self-image. That’s when you start to live it.

2  Prepave your day.

You need to tell the day how it’s going to go.  You rule the day, don’t let the day rule you.

This is a very powerful tool, and it takes faith to see it through.

First thing in the morning, perhaps after a quick meditation or calming exercise, write down how you want your day to go, as if it’s already happened.  For example:  “Everyone I met up with today was friendly” or “I followed my intuition” or “I enjoyed the day.”

Those are very general, and that’s a good place to start.  The more general your prepaving statements, the easier they are to believe and the easier it will be for you to see them come to fruition.  Once you’ve mastered the general, you can get more specific, in line with the self-image you want to create. 

Taking baby steps with this is key, because remember:  we act in accordance with our self-image.  Re-creating your self-image takes some time so you don’t sabotage yourself.

3  Follow your instincts.

Don’t resist when your intuition tells you to let something fall away from your life.  Even if it’s hard at first, even if it you can’t see exactly how it all makes sense.  

When you don’t follow your intuition you aren’t acting in line with your true self.  If you’ve struggled with self-worth for a while, it may be tricky at first to follow your gut.  It may even seem like you are being fake.  But you gotta fake it until you make it!  Or as Amy Cuddy so wonderfully puts is:  fake it until you become it.

When you start to create your new, empowering self-image, some people may tell you you’re living in fantasy-land.

Tell them: “That’s right.  I’m speaking what I seek until what I seek is what I see.  That’s how you make a change.”  Then, ignore them.

Keep your self-image consistent with what you want to be, and don’t allow toxic people to steer you otherwise.

With love and light,

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Now it’s your turn:

How do you keep your self-worth strong?  Leave a comment below.

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