Yes, there’s really a magical way to resolve problems with a toxic ex.
I used to wrestle every problem to the ground. Immediately.
I couldn’t rest until something was resolved in my mind, and I couldn’t ever just let stuff go.
I would feel the pull of what would make me feel better in the moment… you know, walk away, take a breath, do something fun (fun is allowed, don’t you know).
But I would ignore it.
I would press on until I was stressed to the max, trying to figure it out, and then I would come up with some resolution that was only satisfying because it as A resolution, not necessarily the best resolution.
I just wanted it over with.
I had no patience. Like, whatsoever.
You feel me?
I’ve come to find, though, that that never works.
It just never works.
It may *seem* like it’s working because you *think* you’ve handled the problem, but without proper perspective, it won’t be resolved – at least not in the way it could be; in a way that would give you want you ultimately want.
When I was in a toxic relationship, and when I was healing after I left it, I felt as though everything to do with my toxic ex was an emergency. Everything seemed urgent, and it came from the fear I had been living in for so long. Fear of what he would do, fear of how he would retaliate if I stood my ground.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m a huge proponent of overreacting. In the right context, of course.
There are always times when overreacting serves a great purpose, usually to let someone else know you’ve had enough, and most importantly, as a reset of sorts.
I finally had enough of being afraid, though, and knew I couldn’t keep living in a way that caused me to make any decisions out of fear.
What I do now instead…
I’ve found several approaches that help me find the best resolutions to issues, that are in line with how I want to be living, and my overall goals for experiencing life. And I swear, they’re freaking magical.
It’s like sprinkling magic dust over the problem. And it involves real action, not just wishing and hoping.
Most problems do not need immediate attention, and it serves me better to take a moment, and then a solution will come to me.
Here’s what I do now:
1. I take a step or ten back. Usually with some deep breaths.
2. I do something to purposefully place my mind on something I enjoy, rather than allowing my focus to stay on the problem. This is different than just trying to avoid thinking about the problem. When we try to avoid something, invariably we end up focusing on it in some way. If we instead deliberately focus on something else entirely, our chances are better of keeping our focus away from the problem.
3. I prepave the solution coming to me. I’ll journal something like “Thank you (God, Universe, your chosen Higher Power) for the solution working out to everyone’s benefit” or “The solution came to me easily and was easily implemented.” When I can prepave a more specific solution statement, I do it. Even if it takes a couple of days for me to be in the space of feeling like it will work out as I desire.
4. I visualize the solution I desire coming to fruition. As often, and as many times as I need to.
5. I take inspired action. Allowing intuition to guide is so important. Once I have amped up the spiritual component of setting the groundwork, I follow my gut. What my gut tells me to do doesn’t always make rational sense, and sometimes it’s in direct opposition to what my fear-self would do.
It hasn’t steered me wrong yet.
6. I have FAITH that it will work out. (This is the most crucial step).
Yes, this has absolutely worked when dealing with my toxic ex. Many times. In fact, it’s why I started using this process. (It also works with money, but that’s for another article!).
The next time you find yourself presented with an issue you want to wrestle to the ground, give these steps a shot. You’ll be pleasantly surprised at the peace you feel during the process, and the outcome.
With love and light,
Your turn! What process do you have for creative problem solving? Leave a comment, I’d love to hear from you.
Also, give these steps a shot! Come back and leave a comment, letting me know how they work for you.
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