What to Do When You’re Caught in the Attracting an Unavailable Man Cycle

unavailable

“The only thing that goes on in your life is what you allow to go on in your life.” – Iyanla Vanzant

What are some types of unavailable men?

Those in a committed relationship.

Those who act like they want to make something work with you, but who are emotionally unavailable.

Those who aren’t open to anything but a fling.

Those who want to marry you instantly.  (Yes, really.)

Lately I seem to attract two types of men:  those who just want a casual, flirty encounter (some of whom are already committed elsewhere), and those who want to marry me, like yesterday.

After about a year of this interaction with men, I got to the point where I legitimately felt like fuck that.  Fuck them.

Have you experienced this?

There’s something about you that he wants.  That he can’t resist.  And while that’s flattering and all… it’s not going to get you what you want.

The casual encounter guys?  They are looking for a fun outlet.  You keep hoping it could turn into more.  It won’t.

If you are just looking for a fun outlet, too, rock the fuck on.  But for real – find a man who isn’t already committed.  Remember – karma’s a bitch – but only if you are.  Think about how you’d want to be treated if you were in that other woman’s shoes.

Most importantly, have some damn respect for yourself, woman!  You deserve more!  You deserve all of the attention from a man.  You deserve to be honored, not just seen as second best, or a getaway.

The I-wanna-marry-you-now guys?  One word:  RUN.  That screams co-dependency and you don’t need that shit in your life.  Run.  And run fast.  It’s not about you (although I am sure you are well worth someone loving you and wanting to spend their life with you).  That type of desire is about THEM needing something from you.  And if you aren’t careful, these types of guys will suck the life force right out of you.

But what is this type of attraction cycle really telling you?

It’s telling you that YOU are unavailable.  It’s telling you that you need to take a look at what you truly want, and then focus on that.  If you are attracting ambivalent men, you are ambivalent about relationships in some way.

I realized that it was about me.  It was about the vibe I was giving off.  I also realized that I was allowing it to continue.  I wasn’t respecting and valuing myself enough to say no to these guys, or to stop attracting them all together.

When I finally started saying NO to these types of guys right away, I created space for more of what I DO want in my life.

So.  What are some practical steps to do something constructive about this?

Don’t go seeking it out to begin with.

As soon as you realize/recognize something is ‘off’, trust your damn gut and move on.

As soon as you find out he’s committed, or you realize he will most likely never be ready to commit the way you want, GTFO.

Most importantly, up your value-myself game.  

Until you truly know your worth and start acting accordingly, you are going to keep attracting men who don’t know your true worth.  Find ways to focus on how valuable you truly are.  It will make all the difference.

Love and light,

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Have you experienced something similar?  What did you do about it?  Leave a comment below.  Your insight may help someone else.  

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