“The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be greater than our suffering.”
― Ben Okri
“How would your life be different if…You approached all relationships with authenticity and honesty? Let today be the day…You dedicate yourself to building relationships on the solid foundation of truth and authenticity.”
I went back. After six months of hardcore divorce litigation, several months of quieting the court dragon, and two years of separation. I did. I went back.
It was the right thing to do. I had to try again. I had to figure out for sure that it was either right or wrong, without the veil of fear and anger and the busted court system hanging over us.
In that time, I learned why being my authentic self – trying again for the right reasons – is essential.
It allowed me to see our relationship for what it truly was.
Some of it was glorious, some of it was not so great, a lot of it was the same as it had been before. But this time, I could see it through an unjaded gaze. I could see it in the right light. So when I decided it was time to call it quits, I had no regrets.
It allowed me to appreciate what we had.
In taking the time to be in that relationship again, this time with the right perspective, I was able to truly be grateful for the good that we had together. Before our initial split, my focus was on all the sh*t we went through. I was aware of the good, but it sure as hell wasn’t the center of attention. While that relationship can’t be repaired, it made me realize what to do better next time – pay much more mind to the fabulous parts of the relationship and nurture those.
It allowed me to leave without guilt.
Guilt is damaging. It does nothing good when you’re trying to move forward. When I went back to try again, being genuinely who I am and expressing that in our relationship, I knew I was truly giving it my all. So when it came time to say goodbye, I knew I’d given it all I had. I knew there was nothing to feel guilty about — that it was the right thing to do. It allowed me to move forward with gratitude, love, and hope.
“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.”