“The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury.” – Marcus Aurelius
“The best revenge is living well.” – Jerry Seinfeld
When my ex-husband filed for divorce, he did so in a manner that brought an onslaught of litigation. There was no way in hell I could back down from the battle he started. Not only did I want the truth to be told, but dammit — I wanted revenge. Because how dare he?
There were months of horrific miscommunication (mostly through divorce attorneys), of sleepless anxiety-ridden nights, of complete fear. And that was when things were going well. I wanted the wrongs made right, and I wanted him to suffer for what he had done. I wanted more than retribution… sweet revenge was on my mind. I had no idea how to exact it. I was barely treading water. But I knew I was going to get it. Somehow.
Then a funny thing happened.
I stopped focusing on him entirely. I stopped responding in the same ways I used to. I changed.
And that was the beginning of revenge taking hold. I had created the situation with my ex-husband because I allowed it to happen. I didn’t speak up enough and in ways so that I was heard. I didn’t take action sooner. I let the negative momentum build to the point where it had not other course but to explode exactly as it did.
In recognizing those things, I began to unearth myself from the mountain of bullshit I’d been living under. I began to recognize that if I wanted anything to change in my life — truly change — I had to make it happen. If I wanted to be strong enough to never allow anyone to treat me in that way again, I had find the strength within me… and stop focusing on him.
So you see, our world would end if that revenge instinct disappeared. The revenge instinct causes a shift in you. It allows you to harness the energy needed for change. Once you are able to take a step back, you can see that it’s not even about the other person. It’s about what you’ve created. What you’ve created. And what you now want to create differently. The desire for revenge keeps the world turning because it creates the impetus for change and growth.
The best revenge is when you start truly living life on your own terms, and you no longer allow someone else to dictate how or why you make decisions.
The best revenge is remembering you are free, and acting accordingly.
The best revenge is living the sweetest life you can possibly imagine, without taking any time to look back.
Love and light,
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