Why Slowing Down Crushes the Toxic Relationship Pattern

slow down

“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished” Lao Tzu.

For most of my life, I’ve been in a rush.

I grew up that way, except for Sundays.  On Sunday mornings, my Mom and I would relax in our pajamas for most of the morning while my Dad went to the gym, and we he came home we’d have a lovely brunch together.

But the rest of the week?  HURRY. UP.

It’s how my mother was raised, too.  Hurry up seemed to be our family motto.

Except that hurrying up wasn’t getting me anywhere.  Not anywhere good.

I mean, let’s face it.  When you find yourself rushing through drying your hands just to rush onto the next task… what the hell good is that?  No good, that’s what it is.

Hurrying up contributed greatly to me choosing the wrong partners.  

I wanted to hurry up and find “the one.”  Hurry up and get married.  Hurry up and have kids.  What if I don’t do it now?  Will I ever do it?  Gah!  Hurry up!!

When I met my toxic ex, I was in a hurry to get over my first divorce, fall in love again, and have another family for my children.

That’s not to say I didn’t love him at the time.  I truly believed I did.  

But I didn’t allow myself enough time to really get to know him.  I was in such a freaking rush, I ignored the red flags.

All of that?  It’s just crazy.  

It doesn’t allow for any enjoyment along the way.  Like, none.  Because once you have one good moment, you don’t stop to enjoy it – you’re rushing along to hopefully find the next one.

And if your hurriedness caused you to make decisions that landed you in a toxic relationship (even when there were signs that you chose to ignore for the sake of hurrying up)?  There definitely aren’t many moments you’re pausing to enjoy.

Here are some tips to help you slow it down, girl.

Think about a typical day.  

Which parts of your day feel rushed?  

Do you find yourself saying “hurry up!” to yourself, or your kids?  

Do you feel as though you need to rush through most, if not all, daily situations, even those you enjoy?

What’s the worst that would happen if you didn’t rush?

What’s the best?

Then, make it a point to slow down.  Do this by pausing and taking three deep breaths every time you find yourself rushing.  

What do you notice about your day when you are purposeful about slowing down?

When you slow down enough to allow your intuition to guide, rather than letting fear take the reigns, toxic asshats won’t be able to touch you.

With love and light,


What do you think slowing down will help you recognize?  Leave a comment below.  I’d love to hear from you.

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