Why the Choice to be Submissive Makes You Strong

50 shades tie

“I hate to hear you talk about all women as if they were fine ladies instead of rational creatures. None of us want to be in calm waters all our lives.”  – Jane Austen, Persuasion

“My own sex, I hope, will excuse me, if I treat them like rational creatures, instead of flattering their fascinating graces, and viewing them as if they were in a state of perpetual childhood, unable to stand alone.”― Mary Wollstonecraft, A Vindication of the Rights of Woman

I started reading Fifty Shades of Grey because I want to see what all the fuss is about.  I just don’t personally get how submission can be seen as abuse.  Some of the strongest women enjoy being submissive in the bedroom.  That doesn’t make them victims.  They choose when and where to be strong and when to allow someone else to take the reins.

Ana Steele clearly wasn’t a wallflowery mouse.  She spoke right up to Christian at the first interview, regardless of how nervous she was.  That doesn’t seem meek to me at all.  That shows bravado.  And balls.

Again, it was the hallmark of a strong woman, who just happens to like to submit in the bedroom.  It’s the yin and yang.  The masculine and the feminine.   Integrating both is important — and allowing yourself to experience both is liberating.

Submission does not mean acquiescing to something that makes you uncomfortable.  Unless that excites you.  In which case, you are still participating in something consensual. What one person finds demeaning, another finds thrilling in the moment.  It’s about perspective, and it’s no one else’s business what you find exciting.

If we are truly for feminism and equality, let women enjoy what they enjoy — everywhere.  We don’t have to be all shoulder-pad blazers in the boardroom and the bedroom.  Let’s allow those women who enjoy submissive behavior in the bedroom their freedom to do so without the ridiculous notion that somehow they are allowing someone to abuse them.

As for apprehension?  Well, sure.  Anytime we approach something we’ve never done before there can be apprehension.  But if we follow through with it, even if it’s on the insistence of someone else… perhaps that insistence turns us on.  Perhaps it IS what we want, and we just needed a little nudge.  Submitting does not mean one is weak.  In fact, being able to submit takes incredible strength and trust in your partner.

What triggers one woman does not make an abusive hallmark for all others.  It is certainly regrettable and horrific for those women who have been abused, and who experience traumatic flashbacks as a result.  But please, let’s allow each individual woman to decide for herself what constitutes abuse and inappropriate bedroom behavior.

Sexuality is an extremely important part of this human experience.  It is unfair to decide for anyone else how they should engage in that part of their nature.  We say that about homosexuality and transgender folks…let’s extend that to those women who enjoy submission. Otherwise, we are just being hypocrites.

Love and light,




What are your thoughts on this?  I’d love to hear from you.  Leave a comment below.

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