“It takes courage…to endure the sharp pains of self discovery rather than choose to take the dull pain of unconsciousness that would last the rest of our lives.” – Marianne Williamson
“A miracle is a shift in perception from fear to love, realigning our thought patterns and thus the effects they produce.” Marianne Williamson
I get really frustrated when my kids nudge each other and argue. It drives me bananas.
Now one might think that I’m just someone who doesn’t like conflict.
But my ex-husbands will tell you, I’m fine with conflict. Ha!
In all seriousness, though, I don’t back down from something because a conflict may ensue.
I do my best to remain true to who I am at all times, whatever that means in a given moment, regardless of whether I think a disagreement might occur.
But when they start to nudge each other? I can feel my chest tighten and I immediately begin to look for ways I can either help resolve the issue, or just resolve it on my own.
And where does this need to find instant resolution really come from?
Fear that they won’t figure it out. Fear that it might escalate. Fear that I haven’t done enough to help them. Fear that I won’t know how to best guide them. Fear that I’m not mama-ing the way they need.
Each time this fear pops up, I remember that fear is simply a call to awareness. Fears, frustrations, irritations … they let us know what’s important.
So when I become frustrated and fearful – in any situation, not just when my kids are doing their sibling dance – I try to focus on what I value in the situation.
For example, I know that I value my kids understanding themselves well enough to know how they are going to react in certain situations, and to prepare as best they can beforehand so they handle things with their hearts.
I know I value giving them space to work through problems together, and to grow closer in doing so.
I know I value letting them figure life out because I trust them to do that.
Thinking about the outcome I WANT to experience helps me identify what I value.
And what I want to experience has everything to do with being true to myself.
But here’s the kicker:
You can only be as true to yourself as far as you’ve met yourself. And that requires loving yourself, too.
If you’re denying who you truly are, if you’re denying how you truly feel in the moment, if don’t allow yourself to feel the fear and frustration first, you aren’t meeting yourself.
You’re denying who you are at your core.
You aren’t meeting yourself with love, you’re continuing to meet yourself with fear.
And if you don’t meet yourself with love, you can’t meet any other situation with love.
The only thing that will flip the situation around is loving the hell out of it.
When we change our perception from fear to love, we witness a miracle.
When I recognize that the initial fear response when my kids argue is because there’s something I value about the situation, I have a choice: I can continue to let fear rule, or I can allow my perception to shift and I can approach the situation from a place of love and compassion.
Most importantly, with love and compassion for myself.
From that place, I can respond to my kids in a way that will truly help them.
From that place, you can meet any situation that frustrates you, or causes you to have any kind of lower vibe emotional reaction, head on. You can allow fear and frustration to be what they truly are: guides. You can transform the situation. And you can get closer to the outcome you desire with that kind of focus.
With love and light,
I want to hear from you! When do you allow fear to control your decisions? Leave a comment below.
Join me here, too: