Why You Need The F*ck It Flow

fuck it

I left college after a year and a half, recognizing I had no idea what I was doing there.

What the hell did I want to do with the rest of my life?  Damned if I knew.  I so loved the learning going on, but for what purpose?  That’s where I was stumped.

So one night, when I had a paper due in less than 12 hours and I hadn’t even started thinking about how I would write it, the anxiety came to a head.  I called my mother and said, “I have to leave.”

She understood.  My Dad thought I was insane for leaving with the scholarships I had in place.  I took a leave of absence – I didn’t withdraw…not then anyway.

My mother and grandmother showed up two days later with boxes and had me packed up in less than an hour.  I am still amazed at their feat, almost twenty years later.  Why couldn’t I just write that damn paper like that?

Well, wouldn’t you know.  I can now.  It’s an art form, really.  It takes time to cultivate.  It’s equal parts practice and fuck-it.

I finished my bachelor’s degree when my oldest child was four years old and I was pregnant with my second child. I completed my master’s degree, with a 15 year old, a 10 year old, and a five year old, as a single mother.

The art of writing something (good) at the last minute – of focusing so specifically and intently that the impulse to include this aspect and that point and oh, that other amazing thing you read just when you need it – is extremely useful.  And it happens every time.

I expect it to.  And so it does.

A flow occurs.  Oh, the flow.  That’s what I hadn’t learned how to tap into.  I get it now.  I cherish it.

That’s what my mother and grandmother knew that I hadn’t figured out yet.  How to access that flow.  The flow is also equal parts practice (of letting it in) and fuck-it.  Fuck it!  Let’s get this done.  Fuck it!  I’m going to write this as best I can right now.  Fuck it!  I’m going to live right here in this very moment and make the best of it.

The fuck-it flow.  Precious.  Liberating.  Productive as all hell.

Love and light,

Melissa

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Comments

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5 comments on “Why You Need The F*ck It Flow

  1. Yes! The Fuck-It Flow. I’ll be using that. I’ve spent a lot of time analyzing (over-thinking) why I procrastinate. I think a big part of it is just getting myself into the right mind-set. Being entertained and reading email and such puts me in a dull, reactionary mode, and it’s hard to get over that hump of “But that’s too hard. I can’t think about that right now.” I’m learning to just push through that shit. It takes doing it for me to ever get to a place to feel like I can or want to do it. It’s ass-backwards, I tell ya!

    But oh my god, even when I’m doing it, anxiety sets in and I doubt myself. I start wanting to escape in snacks and entertainment. That’s where the Fuck-It Flow really comes into play! I spend so much time on preparing to write that the writing itself suffers in the end because it’s rushed.

    So, I’ve added a new tool to my belt. Thanks!

  2. Thank you for reading! You totally get what I mean, because you described what I feel exactly! Glad to offer some insight and a tool that might help! =)

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