Why You Need to Stop the Blame Game

pointing finger

“When you blame others, you give up your power to change.” – Robert Anthony

“The fault is in the one who blames. Spirit sees nothing to criticize.” – Rumi

I got sucked into another one of those popcorn-eating worthy Facebook comment debates.  For the love of God, I thought I was over that.  Apparently I’m not — not when it involves something I feel so damn strongly about.

The premise of the debate was multi-faceted:  parental rights, corrupt court systems, domestic violence coalitions and whether they hinder or help.  But the crux of the issue with the slew of respondents in the commentary was clear:  they choose to blame their exes, the system, and outside entities for their situations.  They want revenge, in any way they can get it, including denying those who need assistance the help they rightfully deserve.

They are forgetting, or choosing to ignore, that one corrupt individual does not make an entirely corrupt system.  They are neglecting to focus on the parts of the system that work well, and trying to make those better.  They would rather bemoan their situation than fix it.

And that frustrates the living the hell out of me.

I have been in their shoes, though they refuse to see the correlation, because they are men who have supposedly been wronged by the court system, and I am a woman who was wronged — which they claim does not happen.  They went so far as to belittle what I did go through in their effort to show that dammit, men have it worse.  The anti-feminist hate group mentality was alive and well.  I would have none of it.

My initial reaction was anger.  They have absolutely no idea what I went through.  But I took pause, and then began to feel sorry for them.  They are still stuck in anger, and from that place, nothing good ever comes.

Seeking revenge, in whatever guise of changing the system it may take, will never work.  It’s a fleeting undertaking.  It cannot last.  It will not create lasting, positive change.

The only way change truly takes place is when we look within first.  When we determine our part in the situation, and seek to change ourselves first.  That gives us a new, fresh perspective from which to approach the battle.  Because it very well may be a battle.  And a worthy one at that.

No matter what battle you may be fighting:

I agree with guiding systems toward betterment.  Change occurs around us in every moment — movement toward better use of resources is always a good thing.  

I agree with holding those who’ve caused harm accountable — if it’s for the sake of righting the wrong and moving forward, not just for revenge.

I agree with standing in your truth.  I agree with holding to your personal convictions.  I agree with fighting for what’s right.

Forget about the us versus them mindset.  Choose to approach the situation from the vantage point of trying to find solutions.  Only then will you be able to find what will work and move forward.  That’s the most important thing, after all.

Love and light,


Did this resonate with you?  Did you enjoy reading it?  Did you learn something?  If so, please share!  xoxo




Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *