“The key to success is to focus our conscious mind on things we desire, not things we fear.” Brian Tracy
For the love, stop watering dead plants. This is as much a reminder to myself as it is a statement to you.
Stop giving attention to what you can no longer revive.
Let’s be clear, though: that doesn’t only refer to things that are already over.
It’s also about the things you *want* to be over, but you haven’t yet found a way to let go of.
If you want to stop experiencing a situation? Stop talking about it. Stop complaining about it. Stop giving it energy.
If you are in a relationship that you know needs to end, get out.
I know it can seem impossible, but I promise you, it’s not. In fact, it’s quite possible.
I wanted out of my toxic marriage but was afraid, being a stay at home mom with limited access to money.
I was forced out of that marriage – thankfully – but I still had to navigate financial difficulty, not having a place to live for me and my children for five weeks, and fighting a man who was hell bent on taking me down.
What kept me going was setting my intention to create a wonderful life for me and my children – without the threat of emotional and mental abuse and betrayal that I had been living before.
The ONE REALIZATION that made all the difference was this: it all started with me.
Before I could truly be free from that relationship, I had to stop watering the dead damn plant! Any energy I put into fighting with him, rather than creating the life I wanted to be living, was wasted energy.
Yes, there are absolutely issues that you must attend to when divorcing, especially when divorcing a toxic person who uses the court system as yet another way to manipulate. You know, control by proxy.
Those issues will be so much better handled if you refuse to give them direct energy and instead, focus on the solution you want. It’s even better if you focus on creating a long-term vision for your life and begin taking steps to get there. That will naturally incorporate dealing with things the toxic ex throws your way – but on YOUR terms.
Stop watering the dead plants and start watering the seeds within you that you want to see grow.
Here are steps to take to stop watering those dead plants:
1 Determine what you really want to pursue.
How do you want to FEEL? What kinds of situations bring that feeling out in you? How can you seek more of those kinds of situations? In work? In play? Go after that feeling in a healthy, intentional way.
2 Recognize when you are watering the dead plants.
Sometimes we allow our focus to slip. We’ll hear a song or see something that pulls us back into the memory of the damn dead plant and we allow ourselves to stay stuck there. It’s okay to feel all the feelings. It’s critical that you do. JUST DON’T STAY STUCK THERE. When you find yourself focusing on the things you want to be rid of in your life, honor your focus quickly and then redirect it.
3 Be deliberate with your attention.
We all slip now and then, and to combat that you have to be prepared. The best way to be prepared is to deliberately focus your attention ahead of time. What do you want to be creating? What do you want to be pursuing? Place your focus there on purpose. And keep redirecting your focus there any time it sways.
You have so much to offer to yourself and to the world. Reap more of what you want to sow. Water what you want to grow.
With love and light,
What are you focusing on that you want to stop experiencing? Where can you deliberately put your focus instead? What baby steps can you take today to do it? Leave a comment below. Your sharing will help encourage someone else to take action.
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